Toddler Pulls Me To What He Wants: Your Baby’s Needs & Desires

Picture this: You are a parent, minding your own business when, suddenly, your little one grabs your hand and starts pulling you towards something with all their tiny might.

Yep, we have all been there! My toddler pulls me to what he wants – a common scenario in the whirlwind of parenting.

In this article, I will delve into our children’s communication and behavior to discover why toddlers often resort to this pulling gesture and how we can effectively respond.

Read on to decode your little one’s tugs and tugs! 

My Toddler Pulls Me To What He Wants – What Are Reasons?

toddler pulls me to what he wants

In most cases, your little one pulls you toward what they want because they crave attention, lack sufficient language skills to express their desires verbally, or experience emotional distress.

Additionally, if they notice that toddler hand leading has been effective in the past, they are more likely to repeat it.

Understanding these factors and reacting appropriately will help your child develop better communication skills, so let’s dive into each scenario: 

Your Toddler Craves Attention

The most common reason for hand leading in toddlers is their innate need for attention.

At this stage in their development, our children become increasingly aware of the surrounding environment and their place within it.

They always seek interaction and connection with the significant adults in their lives, primarily their parents.

When your toddler pulls you towards a specific object or activity, it is their way of saying, “Look at this, mom or dad! Pay attention to me!.” 

Their action is driven by a desire for your engagement, interaction, and validation. In their world, your attention is a valuable commodity.

This pulling behavior is an effective way to get it.

Your Toddler Lacks Language Skills 

Another factor contributing to this behavior is your child’s limited verbal skills.

Since they are in the early stages of language development, their brains rapidly absorb and process language input, but they have yet to acquire the vocabulary, grammar, and speech production abilities of adults. 

Thus, toddlers may have trouble finding the words to express their thoughts. Physical gestures and actions become their primary means of conveying their needs and wants.

As such, pulling you toward an object or a specific direction is one of the ways to nonverbally show you what they desire.

Your Toddler Is Frustrated Or Emotionally Distressed

Toddlers experience a wide range of strong emotions, but they lack the emotional regulation skills to handle these feelings.

When they are frustrated, disappointed, or distressed, your little one may resort to physical actions like hand leading and pulling as an outlet for their emotions.

Imagine your toddler spots a toy they desperately want but can’t reach. As frustration sets in, they will pull you towards the toy to express their need and seek assistance.

In this context, pulling is how they communicate their emotional state, asking for your help to address their distress.

Keep in mind that, during these moments, your toddler is not trying to be difficult or demanding.

They just react to their emotions in the only way they can at this stage of development.

Your Toddler Notices How Effective This Method Is In The Past

Toddlers are keen observers, and they quickly learn from their experiences.

If they notice that pulling you to what they want has been effective in the past, they tend to repeat this behavior.

This reinforcement loop can lead to a cycle where your child relies on hand-leading as a communication strategy.

For example, if your toddler pulls you towards a snack and you respond by giving them the snack, they will perceive it as a successful communication method.

Over time, they may generalize this approach to other needs, believing it will yield positive results.

Is Hand Leading Normal In Toddlers?

Is Hand Leading Normal In Toddlers

That my toddler pulls me to what he wants has concerned me for a while.

And if this scenario has also been your bundle of nerves, here is some good news: This behavior is perfectly normal and common in childhood development.

For most children, the gesture starts to emerge as they reach 10 months of age and continues into the toddler years.

It is a natural part of their early communication toolkit and a sign of their desire for interaction with adults. 

As toddlers develop their language abilities, they will rely less on physical gestures like hand-leading and begin expressing themselves verbally.

5 Effective Ways to Prevent Your Child From Hand-Leading

Although the behavior is normal, parents should still be aware of it and know how to respond to their children’s pulling behavior.

Here are some expert strategies to prevent your child from hand-leading while maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship: 

Acknowledge The Reasons

Understanding why your child pulls you toward what they want is the first step in addressing this behavior.

As mentioned above, toddlers often resort to this behavior for several reasons. Acknowledging these underlying reasons can help you respond more effectively.

Next time, when your child pulls you, take a moment to assess the situation and watch your baby body language.

Are they seeking your attention, trying to communicate a desire, or expressing strong emotions? 

By recognizing the motivation behind this action, you can tailor your reaction accordingly.

Teach Your Toddler More Effective Communication Skills

The best way to prevent your child from hand-leading is to teach them better communication skills.

Since toddlers are still developing their language abilities, it is essential to help them express their desires verbally. 

Encourage your child to communicate with words. Prompt them to say what they want or need. You can start with simple words or phrases that are relevant to their daily lives.

For instance, if they want a toy, encourage them to say, “Toy, please,” or “I like the toy”. Be patient and provide positive reinforcement when they make an attempt to use words.

Modeling effective communication is also vital. When interacting with your child, use clear and age-appropriate language.

Describe what you are doing or what is happening around them. This helps them enrich their vocabulary and sets examples for expressing themselves effectively.

Set Clear Boundaries

Don’t forget to set clear boundaries when addressing pulling behavior. Your child needs to understand what is acceptable and what is not.

When they pull you toward something, it is an opportunity to reinforce these boundaries.

Gently but firmly let your little one know when their behavior is inappropriate.

For example, you can say, “We don’t pull to get what we want. Please use your words.” Consistency is key. Be sure to enforce the same boundaries across various situations.

Aside from setting boundaries, provide alternatives to pulling. Remind your child that they can ask for help or express their desires verbally instead of resorting to physical actions.

Practice Listening 

When your child communicates their desires or feelings, take the time to listen attentively. Doing so shows them that their words and feelings are valued.

Listening also involves acknowledging their emotions. If your child is frustrated or upset, validate their feelings.

Say something like, “I see that you really want that toy. It’s okay to feel sad when you can’t have it right now.” In the long run, this helps them learn to manage their feelings in a healthier way. 

Encourage your child to express themselves through open-ended questions. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, ask questions that require more extended responses.

For instance, you may ask, “Can you tell me why you like that toy?”. This promotes conversation and allows your little one to talk about their feelings.

Seek Professional Help If Necessary

In rare cases, pulling behavior in children becomes more challenging to address.

If your toddler’s pulling behavior is causing significant disruptions or is accompanied by other concerning signs, such as constantly making noises, it is advisable to seek professional help (it might be a sign of autism).

Consulting with a pediatrician, child psychologist, or behavioral specialist can provide valuable insights and guidance.

These professionals will assess your child’s behavior, identify any underlying issues, and develop an intervention plan for the behavior.

Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

Professional assistance can offer a customized approach that takes your child’s specific needs and challenges into account.


hand leading in toddlers

Is Hand-Pulling A Sign Of Autism In Toddlers? 

Hand-pulling alone is not a definitive sign of autism in toddlers.

However, it can be a behavior observed in some autistic children as part of their communication and sensory-seeking tendencies.

Autism is a complex developmental disorder with a wide range of symptoms, and a comprehensive evaluation by a healthcare professional is required to diagnose it accurately.

Is There A Difference Between Occasional Pulling And Persistent Pulling?

Yes, occasional pulling and persistent pulling are different.

The former is often a regular part of a child’s development and communication, while the latter might indicate underlying issues that require closer attention from parents or child development professionals.

What Are Some Warning Signs For A Toddler’s Behavior?

Warning signs for a toddler’s behavior include extreme aggression, withdrawal from social interactions, loss of previously acquired skills, persistent tantrums and hitting beyond the typical age range, speech issues, and repetitive gestures.

All of them are possible signs of autism or ADHD.

Wrapping Up

If you have faced the scenario like me – my toddler pulls me to what he wants, remember that it is a natural part of child development.

Addressing this behavior is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort.

By acknowledging the reason behind their actions, teaching them better communication skills, practicing active listening, and seeking professional help when needed, you can help your child navigate this phase.

That’s how to foster their growth and strengthen the parent-child bond.

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