Stepmom can face quite a few emotionally-related challenges when adapting to family life with a divorced man.
Whether to welcome another baby or not is such a considerable situation.
Offspring is always believed to be a blessed gift for almost all marriages. They act as the string connecting the parents closer together.
Thus, it is understandable that the stepmom wants a baby to reinforce the affiliation with her husband.
To assist these women in finding solutions for their marriages, we will point out the core issues preventing husbands from desiring another baby of their own.
Then, we will also suggest some ways to comfort your mood.
Problems In Marriage Life Of A Stepmom
Connection to stepchildren
They suffer from the stepchildren’s hate and disapproval is the most common problem. In particular, the controversy between the husband’s daughter and step mom is always more dramatic and serious than ever.
It’s not to mention other awkward cases like lesbian daughter and stepmother.
Witnessing previous divorces or their mother’s death, these children have experienced great psychological trauma.
They certainly still cling to the memory of their mother and previous familial happiness. Therefore, a stepmother’s appearance can become a thorn in their eyes.
The kids will have a hard time accepting you at an early period (of course) or forever. Children tend to think that you have destroyed their initial family.
They may not undoubtedly treat you with indifference, coldness, or disdain for anything you say or do.
For example, they won’t eat what you cooked, refuse to have meals with you, or respond to all questions with silence.
Everything seems more terrible if the stepchild is stubborn and somewhat cunning. They can use sharp and hurtful words or actions to criticize stepmother whenever they have a chance.
These things can put stepmothers under pressure to leave the marriage.
The second wife may feel self-pity when her husband sometimes thinks of, text, and even verbally contact his ex-wife.
It seems that few men can immediately and permanently forget all about a female who has been emotionally attached for a long time and even has children together.
This is essentially the natural and basic human physiology. The way your man expresses this feeling is more important.
Possibly, he only maintains a gentle friendship with his ex-wife, and sometimes they keep in touch to discuss their offsprings’ raising. And stepmom is suggested to respect this relationship.
If your man is beyond the normal emotion, do not hesitate to talk straight with him that you need love, transparency, and equality.
Moreover, your parents-in-law can also compare you to the previous wife.
If your parents-in-law preferred their ex-daughter-in-law much, they could easily underestimate you as soon as you make a small mistake in attitude or behavior.
Feel Hard To Conform The Existing Family Etiquettes
You have not put effort into nurturing and developing this family since the first days. You are in the position of someone coming after things are within a particular etiquette.
Hence, you may have difficulty in treating other members the way you want, but you have to conform to the currently existing manners.
In fact, women somewhat have a significant impact on organizing daily life. The children and your husband seem to be used to the lifestyle influenced by his previous wife.
And a stepmom is bound to change and adapt to the new lifestyle. If you could not be doing that, you may undergo unintentional comparisons from your husband.
Husband Does Not Care Of Having Own Children
Stepmom wants baby to tighten the familial loveship. However, the husband hesitated and overlooked this idea.
He can divert the conversation when you mention having a child together. Or he always uses contraception to reduce the chance of having a baby, leading the woman to feel depressed and insecure about her married life.
Some husbands even persuade the stepwives only to take care of the stepchildren as if they are “our offspring”.
You may even feel it is unfair that you are forced to love another woman’s child. Honestly, caring for a non-blood child has never been easy.
Why Your Husband Ignore To Have Your Own Child?
There must be quite a few reasons behind the husband’s concern. Let’s find out with us.
The financial condition is always the first and foremost barrier. It is a fact that raising a child costs significant time, effort, and especially money.
Even during pregnancy, the woman has to expense more on healthy foods to nourish a healthy fetus.
After that, you also have to pay to use high-quality laboring services at the hospital or postpartum mother and baby care.
We cannot ignore the costs incurred, such as babysitter hiring, sickness, tuition, and living expenses during the child’s growth.
In addition to the child-raising cost, parents also face other fixed costs such as rent, current kids, and money for themselves.
Parents always want their children to enjoy the best values such as healthcare, education, and entertainment. And, of course, quality comes with a high price tag in return.
It can be seen that the price is increasing day by day. Therefore, parents with low to moderate income will have more difficulty in affording all the quality services for their kids.
If the husband is the financial breadwinner, he can feel a serious burden, avoiding welcoming another baby.
Maybe the husband is also afraid that the current child will suffer more psychological pain.
Having suffered from their parents’ past divorce, the current child often exhibits emotional instability. Hence, the husband seems to convey full care for his own offspring.
When another baby is born, the parent’s affection and care will be more or less shared. The child will feel as if they are abandoned.
This will damage the behavior of the stepkids. Jealousy may become more severe over time.
As a result, the child may carry out physically and mentally negative actions for the younger half-brother. We can mention verbal insults, beatings, or, more horrible is, sexual harassment.
Solutions When Stepmom Wants A Baby
Identify Husband’s Hesitation
Children’s lives will become happier when they are born based on the volunteering of both husband and wife.
Therefore, the stepmother cannot force her husband to have children without understanding his real problem.
If the matter is financing, stay calm and give both you and your husband more time to flourish the family’s property. It will benefit the child and all other family members in the future.
Take Time To Get Used To New Marriage Life And Sympathize
A baby can reinforce the parent’s connection and decrease the love dynamic simultaneously.
Being busy with taking care of children and increasing income will make love between husband and wife less passionate than before.
So, why don’t you take time for yourself to more significantly enjoy your free time and your husband’s affection?
You can use this time budget to beautify yourself, create self-interest for a new lifestyle, or even practice opening up to the stepchildren.
Before actually welcome a new baby, let’s discuss and share with current children about giving birth to another baby and commit to them parental affection afterward.
How To Announce The Existing Children?
The good news has finally come to your family. Stepmom becomes pregnant after a period of hopefully waiting for. It is time to inform the stepchildren carefully.
Firstly, make sure they directly hear it from you or your husband, but not from someone else like a relative or neighbor. It will help the child feel respect and transparency from the parents.
Evenings are family time, so you can start the conversation in a cozy dinner. Let’s convince the children that a baby can make members closer together with a gentle tone.
You can suggest some advantages when stepchildren have more siblings. For example, they can play games, go to school together, or take care of each other when being alone at home.
The thing scaring children the most is the unfair sharing of love. Therefore, don’t forget to relieve them by mentioning prospective family vacation plans after the baby is old enough.
To sum up, there is nothing debatable if a step mom wants a baby for the new family.
In the beginning, you may experience some emotional pressure due to stepchildren and your husband.
However, time heals everything, helps family members get along well, and keeps life under a stable flow.
By then, welcoming a baby to the world will no longer be such a big deal.