I don’t want to share my baby. Is it natural for me to feel that way? Is it acceptable that I still have difficulty giving my kid to my mother-in-law?
I kept asking myself these questions after the birth of my baby.
I suppose I was glad that they offered to look after my child and allow me a few days off.
However, it appears to be emotional. Even though I am exhausted and starving, I don’t feel good “sharing” my kid.
I once felt like that with my children. However, I believe I am no exception.
Many women would feel the same as me, wondering, “Is it normal to not want to share my baby?“. This article will discuss the problem and what we can do in this scenario.
I Don’t Want To Share My Baby – Is It Normal?
Short answer: Yes, that is very natural, as said by Tijana Sefic Eby, a family, pediatric doctor, and postpartum doula.
There is a scientific reason for allowing new moms to develop a connection with their babies.
Time shared throughout the early periods of time is essential for both baby and mom. It is how they both manage their physiological functions, she explains.
Skin-to-skin interaction assists in controlling the baby body’s temperature and respiration.
Besides, it also helps encourage and balance the production of breast milk and feeding habits in mothers.
As pregnant women can have more stress hormones, this mother-children interaction can help reduce them.
It is typical for mothers to become overwhelmed or possessive during this period of time.
The near presence of relatives after her son’s birth overwhelmed Luisa Martinez, who afterward felt bad about her reaction.
The exploding sounds of wine bottles and celebrations following the baby’s birth annoyed her since she was fatigued after delivering.
Do I Have To Share My Baby With My Inlaws?
Without a doubt, your beloved family adores that infant. However, they do not understand the importance of physically having the child inside you.
Moving from life-giver to becoming a life-sustainer is a lengthy process. Feeling relaxed about others taking care of her might not be easy.
The idea of handing over and giving up parental control is difficult for everyone.
However, you will have to become more comfy and relaxed with the idea of someone else looking after your child. Don’t say I don’t want to share my baby with my inlaws.
It isn’t a one-woman competition, and getting that assistance is critical. Don’t push it immediately, and start small.
Let your mother-in-law visit and hang out with the baby and you at first. Take a bath and get some housework done.
It’s not just healthy for you to enjoy some relaxing time, but it’s also excellent for your kid to form those ties with other family members.
But I’d like to emphasize that you need time to take after yourself. The infant’s well-being is linked to your own. If you’re tired and starving, you must eat, relax, and recharge.
At What Age Can I Leave My Baby With Someone Else?
Although there is no fixed age, many parents feel unsafe leaving their infants until they are between four and nine months old.
Until that, the child is going through a lot when establishing their daily habits. You might still be practicing nursing or strengthening the link between the baby and you.
The ideal spot for overnighters also spans from 4 to 9 months.
Before then, the infant might still be learning about breastfeeding, bonding with you, and waking up often at night. Thus, it is a less ideal time to let them stay with other people overnight.
Is It OK To Let People Hold Your Baby? What You Should Do?
When I feel I dont want to share baby with husband, I try to follow these really helpful solutions. I understand having a hard time sharing my baby is normal.
However, I also know my child needs to interact with others for overall development and child relationships. Thus, here are what other women and I usually do.
Establish An Effective Support System Before Giving Birth
Before the due date, discuss with your spouse the surroundings you’d like for your baby, but be prepared to make adjustments if necessary (When can you welcome guests? If so, who is it?).
Inform your social group, including potential carers, about your expectations (Necessary health/immunizations checks before touching the baby, bottle feeding, etc.).
Tell the people you love about the kinds of assistance you might call for. (observing the older children, meal delivery, etc.).
Communicate with your planned parenting method and suggest that they follow it. Since you will not have time to please guests, be genuine and ask them to sit and talk.
Explain your strategy, and generously quote the advice of your child care and parenting expert.
Understand That Bonding Is A Biological Need
It is natural to have possessive and competitive feelings. Bonding is a biological need. However, you need to know that your family is here for you.
Don’t overreact, and you may let your family down. Plus, your child also needs to develop relationships with other people.
Luisa Martinez, who gave birth to a child, feels ashamed of her response. During this period, she became stressed or hostile.
She now realizes the overflow of joy and affection was “a wonderful gesture.”
However, at that point, she could not avoid thinking that every family member seemed inconsiderate.
The child celebration party continued throughout the holidays when she returned home on Christmas Day. “I don t want my mother around my baby,” she added.
Her family organized a New Year’s Eve gala without first asking her. Although protected by her husband’s relatives, who assisted with thoroughly tidying the house, she felt alone.
“I was so guilty since his family had done everything they could to help make the whole thing as pleasant as possible.” “I regret not seizing the opportunity and welcoming them,” Martinez adds.
Make The Support System Work For You
As stated by Eby, seeking help in certain ways isn’t a terrible thing once a mother gives birth. Find a support group to assist with meals and cleaning.
You should let your friends or family boost mom’s emotions by discussing issues besides the baby.
Such subtle assistance proved to be a godsend for East Cobb homeowner Marta Himmelreich, who considers herself fortunate to have her in-laws.
She traveled from Texas to assist when the beautiful baby girl entered the world in February 2020.
Himmelreich, a foreign immigrant, could not depend on the assistance of her family, who lived in Poland. They were unwilling to go.
On the other hand, her in-laws managed to help with food shopping, home cleaning, dog walking, and cooking.
Set Expectations, Limit Exposure
In the opinion of doctor Dr. Shayna Smit, choosing guests is also vital from a medical standpoint, particularly for the baby’s growth.
Even before the pandemic outbreak, the very first month of birth was seen as critical for limiting the baby’s exposure to others.
It is because there is constantly a danger of transmission when the infant’s immune system is developing.
The baby will sleep for the first few weeks. Having a large family does not help. When people are unhappy or disagree with what you say, blame it on the doctor.
Feeling like I don’t want to share my baby is a natural response after giving birth. Mother and newborn need to have time for bonding.
However, you should establish a good support system. It will help you reduce stress and burden.
Besides, try not to overreact; you need to understand your family is there for you.